The Degen Times
Live edition · the paper writes itself
Solana · pump.fun · satire
All the pumps fit to print.
The paper that writes itselfLATE CITY EDITION
On the wire
Setting today's front page…
Reading the real pump.fun market from GeckoTerminal.
Try0 wallets, 0 signatures
Satire, not news.
Every story is written by a template and the voice is a joke — but the numbers inside are real, pulled live from GeckoTerminal and named in each line. Nothing here is advice, and The Degen Times is not affiliated with pump.fun.
What it prints
The market, as a tabloid.
The Degen Times turns the same boring trending data everyone else stares at into a front page: a splash, a disaster, a graduation watch and a stack of briefs — each one set from real figures.
A splash that writes itself
The day's biggest pump leads the page as a shock headline, decked and bylined, typed onto the newsprint in front of you.
The disaster column
The worst collapse on the trending lists gets its own breathless column — cause of death, the drop, the damage, all real numbers.
Graduation watch
Coins closing on the bonding curve, or freshly graduated to PumpSwap, run as a "clears the curve" story with an estimated progress bar.
Set your coin's story
Paste any coin and the paper writes it a front-page story from its real stats, then hands you a shareable front-page card.
The front page
Today's edition, live.
Auto-written from GeckoTerminal's trending pump.fun coins and reset every refresh. Read-only: nothing to connect, nothing to sign.
The Degen Times
Setting the edition…No. —
Reading GeckoTerminal's trending pump.fun coins and setting the front page…
Printed — coins on the wirevia GeckoTerminal
Your coin
Set your coin's story.
Paste any coin's address, link or ticker. The Degen Times writes it a front-page story from its real stats and hands you a card to share.
The Degen Times
Special editionYour coin
—
A front page set from real GeckoTerminal numbers, named above. Satire, not news; past moves say nothing about the next ones. No coin image is used.
The masthead box
The fine print, up front.
- Paper
- The Degen Times (satirical broadsheet)
- Universe
- pump.fun coins in GeckoTerminal's Solana trending lists (5m, 1h, 6h, 24h)
- Stories
- Shock pump, disaster, graduation watch, fresh off the press, by the numbers
- Splash rule
- The biggest 24h gainer (or 1h, if sharper) leads the page
- Graduation
- Estimated from market cap against a rough ~$69,000 curve-fill threshold; PumpSwap = already graduated
- Figures
- GeckoTerminal's price, 24h/1h change, volume and market cap per pool; for pools younger than a day, 24h means since the pool opened
- Refresh
- About every two and a half minutes; edition number holds for 30 minutes
- Data
- GeckoTerminal public API, from your browser
- Names
- Slurs, links and "claim" pitches masked; no coin images, only our own halftone cuts
- Voice
- Tabloid satire. The framing is a joke; the numbers are real
- Costs
- None. Read-only, nothing to sign
- Affiliation
- Independent satire. Not affiliated with pump.fun
How the paper is set
The Degen Times reads GeckoTerminal's trending lists, picks a story for each slot by the rules below, fills a template with the coin's real numbers and prints it. Names are filtered and no coin images are used.
- The splash
Biggest 24h gainer on the lists (or the 1h gainer, if it's sharper). Capped framing at extreme moves.
- Disaster column
Worst 24h faller on the lists. If nothing is red, the column prints a "quiet day" note instead.
- Graduation watch
A coin on PumpSwap (graduated) or a pump.fun coin whose market cap is closest to the rough curve-fill threshold.
- Fresh off the press
The youngest pools on the lists, as one-line briefs with their age and move.
- By the numbers
How many coins are green vs red and the total volume on the wire — the day's market in one box.
How it works
Four steps, no money involved.
- 1
Read the market
Every couple of minutes the paper reads GeckoTerminal's trending pump.fun coins: 24h and 1h moves, volume, market cap, pool age and venue.
- 2
Find the story
The biggest pump, the worst collapse, the coins closing on the curve and the freshest launches each become a front-page story.
- 3
Set the type
A template fills with the coin's real numbers, a halftone cut is drawn, and the column typewriter-types itself onto aged newsprint.
- 4
Print the edition
The front page lands with a dateline and edition number. Paste your own coin to set its story and share the card.
Is any of this real news?
No. The Degen Times is satire. The stories are written by templates, and the breathless tabloid voice is a joke. What's real is the numbers inside them: every price move, volume, market cap, pool age and venue comes from GeckoTerminal's public API and is named in the story. Treat the words as a cartoon and the figures as data that can still lag or be wrong.
Where do the headlines come from?
From GeckoTerminal's Solana trending lists (last 5 minutes, hour, 6 hours and day), read in your browser every couple of minutes. The Degen Times picks the biggest 24h and 1h gainer for the splash, the worst faller for the disaster column, coins closing on the bonding curve for the graduation story and the youngest pools for the fresh-off-the-press briefs, then fills a template with their real figures.
How do you know a coin is about to "graduate"?
It's an estimate. A pump.fun coin "graduates" to PumpSwap when its bonding curve fills, around a market cap in the high tens of thousands of dollars. The Degen Times compares a coin's real market cap from GeckoTerminal to that rough threshold to guess how close it is, and treats a coin already trading on PumpSwap as graduated. The percentage is a rough gauge, not an on-chain curve read.
Can I make the paper write about my coin?
Yes. Paste any coin's address, link or ticker into "Set my coin's story" and The Degen Times writes it a front-page story from its real stats — price, 24h and 1h move, volume, market cap, age and venue — then hands you a downloadable front-page card you can share. The story is templated from those numbers; it is not an opinion on the coin.
Why are some coin names blanked out or marked "a coin with a rude name"?
The Degen Times runs every coin name through a filter that masks slurs, embedded links and "claim/airdrop" pitches, and it never shows coin images — only its own halftone artwork. A masked name still counts in the numbers; it just isn't printed.
Does any of this touch my wallet or the chain?
No. The Degen Times only reads public market data from GeckoTerminal. There is no wallet connect, nothing to sign, no transaction and no order — the "Post on X" and "Chart" buttons just open links. It's a read-only paper.
Why does the front page keep changing?
Because the market does. Trending lists rotate every few minutes, so the splash, the columns and the briefs are reset on each refresh. Reloading within half an hour keeps the same edition number; the paper keeps no history of its own beyond this session.
Is there a $PRESS coin?
Yes: $PRESS on Solana, launched on pump.fun. The only official contract address is 5WFEviuuZrxEKiMtmckLFSC5rQGqvtd4cSwTZoNFpump. The Degen Times is free to use and never needs the coin.
Is any of this financial advice?
No. The Degen Times's numbers are estimates from public prices and can be wrong. $PRESS is a memecoin with no intrinsic value or promise of returns.
Tomorrow's tabloid, printed now.
A live front page auto-written from the real pump.fun market. Free, read-only, satire — nothing to sign.